She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
