Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What a dumb baby whore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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