i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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