You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
