you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
