Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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