first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
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