After last night, I could never be a politician.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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