i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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