i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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