Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
