ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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