WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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