Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
