i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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