so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
