I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
