census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
