i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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