omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i think i just lost a toe
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