Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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