i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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