you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
