If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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