Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
