He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
