Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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