i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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