so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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