She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
