I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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