so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
