Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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