I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
a search helicopter?!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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