i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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