I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
