i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
