I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
