i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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