it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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