He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
