I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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