I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
