Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
