Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
