Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
