I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
