Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
