i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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