can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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