This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
