I hate all girls vehemently.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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