I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
